Question of the Day

Last week, on the auspicious day of Gokulashtami, the birthday of Lord Krishna, the eternal flirt, two men made me feel like shit. They were both politically backed hoodlums, drunk with alcohol and power.

One walked up to me and stared pointedly at my chest just to drive home the point that he could. The other loudly kept asking his friend to join him in "a bit of fun" with Smiley and me. Look, he said, they're two, we're two, let's have some fun, huh? I took it all in silence, because they were many and I didn't want to become the next day's headline.

I was angry at them for doing it, angry at me for taking it and angry at everyone else for allowing it to happen.

So I guess my question is this: Why must men be such assholes?

No, really. I realise that a lot of you reading this right now are in fact endowed with the Y chromosome. But please, stand apart from the ra-ra men's club for just a second and answer this question for me.

Why is it that I can't walk down a road, any road, anywhere, without being mentally undressed by some eve-teasing, hormonal creep? It's not like I'm flashing him, or licking my lips lasciviously to provoke him, or winking or giving him come-hither looks. Then why?

Do they not realise that women are deeply humiliated when you call them dirty names, make lewd gestures or pass obscene comments? Or is it just some kind of power trip where they're trying to say, "I'm going to make you feel like a piece of meat and there's nothing you can do about it, bitch, so here, suck this."

And then, there's the other kind, mind. The man, who personally might never have stooped to the depths of passing cheap comments or feeling up random women in public, but who defends those who do. The one who says, "Maybe she was asking for it". The educated, urbane one, who allows the offender the benefit of the doubt, who justifies his being a depraved bastard by saying, thinking that after all, men have "needs".

My mom once told me that a lot of men who come to Bombay from rural areas aren't used to seeing women outside the veil and the shock of girls in jeans and sleeveless tops excites them. They're not civilised men, she said, so it's natural that they behave like animals. Well, there's a way to deal with animals.

And from today, I know exactly how to deal with the two-legged kind.

Comments

Mystique said…
yea, that too....it really sucks i tell you....i've had none of that, but i have had a random shifty-looking bihari-looking guy touch my butt...on purpose, like, and then smile at me as i looked back in anger and i could do nothing but glare at him and curse him silently.....
i would have liked to hit him....
but we were in a stadium and i was with an athletic team and i guess there'd be a big issue if i had....
i tell you...
i go for these cbse national athletic meets every year, most of our team is girls, and we always have these creepy guys staring coz we're NRIs and we look like NRIs and wear adidas tracks and tiny adidas shorts....
yea, i can keep ranting....
also, today i witnessed a fight between some guy in school and a girl....might have been his girlfriend or a friend of his girlfriend, and he called her a whore to her face (randi, actually)and she didn't evn flinch.....
what is the world coming to......
TS said…
It's an ego issue, just like it is with wealth and power. And because its a lot more intangible, men end up getting increasingly frustrated, ultimately resorting to the use of force in one, last desperate attempt to have their way.
schizo said…
hi veda
what happend to you makes me ashamed of my "species", there is no excuse for such behaviour, no reason under the earh that excuses a man from reducig a woman from a person to an object, none whatsoever including that she was "nearly naked" and "licking her lips lasciviously".

but perhaps there is an explanation, you might not agree but the truth is human beings are all assholes, one way or the other, some more than the other, guys seem to have preponsity to being certain kinds of assholes.

I dont lech bec i feel strongly about it but i am one selfish bastard. gotta live with it

hough i have a funny feeling your question was rhetorica...

ciao

me
Anonymous said…
I wish you would. Let me know how it goes.
Deftone :)
Anonymous said…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BK2WbgZdi3Q
hope this helps
DefTone :)
i totally agree with schizo... but at the same time. what i wanna ask you is.. why didnt you just give it back to that guy right then and there.. yes.. maybe it would have created a huge scene.. probably a national headline too.. but atleast the man would have thought twice before doing it again.

I know you are courageous... but modesty stops you from doing it.. come out of the dark and next time this happens... give a kick where it hurts.

and yes, sometimes men can be assholes.
Rohit Talwar said…
Your post is pure brutal truth. I've an elder sister and it really brings me so many incidents she used to be frustrated about. Such men deserve to.. I'd rather not say it.
Veda said…
Mystique: Something I read answers your question - "Nature is punishing mankind for its atrocities by taking the world away from men and giving it to apes."

TS: I agree. That's why invading soldiers rape the women on the enemy's side. Land and woman - it's the ultimate conquest.

Schizo: It was.

Deftone: The answer is confrontation. But thanks, that was very therapeutic.

Rahul: There's a fine line between courage and stupidity. I wasn't afraid of being "Girl Kicks Political Goon in Crotch". I just didn't want to be "Girl Raped and Murdered in Broad Daylight for Kicking Political Goon in Crotch".

Rohit: I sympathise with your sister. Delhi's much worse than Bombay in that respect.
Anonymous said…
Have to give it to you Vedashree. All that support isn't easy to gather from people you don't know. Honestly, I don't believe that you are THAT hard a nut to crack.
DefTone :)
Veda said…
Ok, Deftone, you're going to have to explain that. I'm having a dumb moment.
schizo said…
hi ladies, was talking to a good friend couple of days ago, I asked her who ofte is she subject of ece teasig some some kind, when she takes a bus. she has stayed in delhi and bangalore, her answer was shocking, 70% was her estimate!

do you have similar figures ?

am so shocked bec this means i am blind.!!!

noe she does not dress "provocative" :-)

ciao

schizo
Veda said…
Schizo: Lots of factors influence the percentage. Walking on the street is worst, followed by public transport, I think. What say everyone else?

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